Does anybody else feel the tension, the weights clinging to the air – the darkness hovering over humanity…. Do you feel it?
Today… I felt it.
Screaming, yelling, the desire to smash and destroy, to cause chaos. Twisting, turning, convulsing, grinding, gritting, teeth clattering.
What the fuck is happening this election season?
I’ve been shaking – shaking upon waking, shaking when I go to sleep.
I’m an intuitive empath, a psychic.
Have I mentioned this yet? I’m not sure, things are moving quickly and my blogs are a bit behind. I feel things, the collective conciousness in particular… sometimes individual consciousness, but it’s FEELING emotional energy from the astral plane, the emotional or intuitive plane, the unconscious mind.
Lately the astral plane is loud, dense.
Two assassination attempts, one false assassination headline, regardless the collective was outraged, especially from Trump supporters encompassing Pennsylvania Appalachia, my current residence. I can’t tell if something large is heading our way, or if I’m feeling these micro conflicts: the assassination attempts, Trump’s felony charges, warnings of election delays. Rising inflation, media gaslighting, increased tensions around the world: Ukraine, Iran, Israel, Gaza, Northern Africa, Korea.
It’s bad…. things are fucking bad.
I’m struggling to accomplish any work, waking up sick instead.
Music releases, videos, writing, drawings; everything fell apart.
I released a recent EP called Tired Tapes featuring dark, atmospheric drone, minimal and distorted glitch-hop, and IDM influences.
Instead of alchemizing one hundred Ableton tabs, I’ve condensed my work to address the terrible vibe, preferring minimal beats and saturated distortions to overly convoluted ‘masterpieces’. I dont want to tweak and adjust levels, sounds, and numbers in order to create music.
I mean, I am, but I want to have fun.
I’m supposed to be having fun, and hyper obsessing over mass-produced tracks isn’t having fun…. In fact, it’s slowing down the process of writing music. Sometimes less is more — no, usually less is more.
With writing, I’m only able to produce material after the community has gone to sleep. Nighttime. Otherwise i’m struggling and can’t work through the dense vibrations. Video…. ugh…. I don’t even know where to begin.
Im supposed to be creating video, right?
I’ve been creating video since I had a Cingular Samsung cell phone in 2006/2007. A flip phone with the perfect camera. I remember creating a YouTube account around the same time, the birth of the platform (Oh how you’ve changed, YouTube). Shooting videos with my childhood friends every weekend, starting an iCarly spin off in middle school, high school short films that gained me popularity, film school, including a film festival award for editing. I should probably be working on video.
I just don’t know where to begin and it doesn’t help I’m struggling to write material. I’ve lost momentum and i’m having a difficult time finding the motivation, the inspiration, the vision. Im weighed down, negative, hateful, almost suicidal at times. Truly desperate to find peace.
I drove 23,000+ miles last year looking for sanctuary, and for what?
For fucking what?
Im furious, hopeless, depressed.
I wanted to put this chapter behind me, even had the opportunity to rent the cabin before purchasing, to which my parents declined.
“You’ll never be happy anywhere,” they told me.
So here I am, miserable, unhappy.
The cabin is beautiful, the property is beautiful, the mountains…. However, it’s the neighborhood. One of the bigger developments in the area, multiple cars coming and going. Always busy. Highway in the distance, trailer parks, Appalachian living. I’m stuck. I’m Fucking stuck.
Now I’ve gotta figure an escape, mount a plan, get the fuck out of here….
BUT HOW?
My god, how?
After looking at my mediums, i’m expecting a long crawl to successes, mainly because I need time developing my skills and personality. It doesn’t happen overnight. Usually. And I believe video holds my ultimate success, but how can I make videos when I cant even get out of bed with an injured back? Concussed head, no willpower? I’m frustrated, chronically stoned. Exhausted.
This is the only time I can write, 10:30 PM, smoking reclaim from my rig because i’m too stressed to ask for money. Money for cannabis concentrates, concentrated relief.
I hope we make it through this election season, no lockdowns, no military intervention, no coups, no capital riots, no anything… but after the last two elections, it’s becoming clear.
Election Day is becoming Election Week.
THE BADBOOB 